Things That I Remember In The 52 Years Of My Life

On March 27, 2008, I turned 52 years old. There are a number of milestones of my life that I observe. Those that affect me directly are those that have changed my life and directed me in ways that I never thought I would go.

1. I look upon a new year as another year God has given us to live on this good earth. It shows that He is a longsuffering God who knows our frame and forgives our repented sins, and that any trial that He brings us to, He'll see us through it to the end.
2. I look upon January 24, 2008 as the night Karissa had to call the paramedics to take Frank Anthony Francis Kratochvil to St. Francis Hospital, where we were later to learn that he suffered a stroke.
3. I look upon January 28, 2008 as the day Karissa and I were told that Frank's stroke was in the area of his brain stem and that there was no hope of recovery. Karissa then had to make that fateful decision to pull the respirator from Frank, as she did twice before when two other friends of theirs died. The respirator was pulled at 8:30 PM, and he died at 9:00 PM - 30 minutes thereafter.
4. I look upon my daughter Diane's birthday and realize that she is another year older.
5. I remember holding her as a newborn infant, realizing the treasure I was holding in my arms and crying for joy when I held her. I remember the times when Diane and I talked together and just how much I loved being her father. I also noticed one day when she was about 13 months old that it was not good for Diane to be alone. The next day I asked her if she wanted a brother or sister, and she said no. I asked her she was sure, and she said no. I then tried to get her to do this in front of Macy, and she wouldn't do it, making me out to be a liar (they'll do it every time). She eventually accepted Charlie as her brother and loved him as she loved me.
6. Since I lost my parental rights, I have missed her birthdays from age 14 to her present age of 20. This year was the first time she has received a birthday card from me in 7 years. I pray that she hasn't forgotten me or the good times we had.
7. I look upon my birthday as the gift of another year from God. I see that He has been merciful to me and that He has not forgotten that I did not choose my current state of affairs, but they chose me.
8. I had to write that to my sister, as she has forgotten all about the state of affairs that drove me away from Diane and Charlie. Both of my sisters apparently have gone to the other side and support Diane and Charlie staying with Richard and Shirley Rich well after they have become the age of majority. I would bet the farm and win that my Dad doesn't even know how they feel about Diane and Charlie and that they support their claim to the Rich name. Apparently they have forgotten that once the children have become adopted, they forever sever themselves from their ties to both sides of their families.
9. I look upon March 31 as the day I had to make that fateful decision whether to stay with Macy and let Diane and Charlie go into foster care at the tender ages of 6 and 3, or be driven away from them, leaving them with their mother. This was a hard decision to make, but I determined that leaving them with their mother was for the best. At least I would know where they were at. This was a decision that was never fully understood by the people I went to church with, and even today it is not understood by the current preacher there. I chose not to answer him and told my sister that the church would get a full accounting when Diane and Charlie are back together with me.
10. I look upon Charlie graduating from Christian Fellowship High School. I've always known that he would be the one who would apply himself and study hard so that - if possible - he would go to college. I wouldn't be disappointed if he chose a different field to go into than music, but I would be overjoyed if he did follow in his Dad's footsteps. Unfortunately, he will not turn 18 until his birthday in July.
11. I look upon Karissa turning 53 in another 2 1/2 months. She has been through a lot with the deaths of her closest friends Rocky, John, and now Frank. There are days when it is touch and go with her, but I work through it all with patience.
12. I look upon Charlie turning 18 years old in 4 months from now, minus one day. I remember when he was born
13. I was at work over at Bell Laboratories in Naperville, IL on July 25, 1990, and had just finished speaking with the roving supervisor about the possibility of Macy going into the hospital tonight. He told me to page him as soon as that happens and he would return the call.
14. Around 8:30 PM I get a call from Macy's mother saying that Macy's water broke during Bible Study and that they were at Mercy Center Hospital in Aurora. I paged my supervisor, and he told me to go on ahead and go as soon as my partner returned from rounds - which he did shortly after the call.
15. I arrived there around 9:15 PM and waited with Macy for the birth of our son. I was so hoping that he would have been born on July 25. That way, all of the birthdays would have fallen in numerical order - July 25, June 26, March 27, and February 28. However, it wasn't to be, but it is still easy to remember Charlie's birthday, for it is exactly one month after his mother's birthday.
16. I remember going to Ottawa, Illinois for my Administrative Hearing on August 30, 1996. There it was shown that I never had been arrested for the allegations of sexual abuse of Diane, nor were there any warrants pending against me.
17. It had been told to me by DeKalb County DCFS Social Worker John McCue that if I was not satisfied with the results that I could then take it to civil court where the DCFS would have been ordered to show not by Preponderance of the Evidence (51%) but by Clear and Convincing Evidence (75%) that I had indeed molested Diane. Their decision was to come to me by Certified Mail by no later than September 29, 1996 - and I am still waiting for that decision to be sent!
    It is my belief that since they knew they would lose in civil court, they chose to conveniently lose the papers to that decision.
18. I remember my mother's death on December 12, 2000. Carol thought that I would lose it all, but what she didn't realize was that I knew that Mom was in a better place and didn't have to suffer. I remember December 14 when we held the funeral in Ripley. The foster parents were gracious enough to bring Diane and Charlie down to say goodbye to their paternal grandmother. We then brought her body up to Batavia. It was then that we found out that my dad's oldest sister Winona died on December 12, so we had her funeral on Sunday, and Mom's on Monday.
19. Finally, I remember one year later when the parental rights of Macy and me were terminated on December 12, 2001. That stuck a dagger into my heart. It would be two years later that the Commonwealth of Kentucky would convince the foster parents to adopt Diane and Charlie, and I found out about that from an email from a preacher in Kearney, MO who was interested in adopting Diane and Charlie. I would later learn that Macy and my younger sister would get contact privileges with the children and leave me in the dark about this whole thing.

I understand that life is not always fair to those who are trying to live right in the sight of God. The state of affairs has driven me in the direction in which I have gone. Some from the church I used to attend would say I chose this path.

I disagree. To use a phrase from Thomas Jefferson, when in the course of human events it becomes necessary to determine in a snap decision whether to separate one's self from his wife and children in order to keep the children with their mother or remain with their mother and forever separate the children at the tender ages of 6 and 3 from their mother, it was determined on March 31, 1994 that it was in the best interests of Diane and Charlie to remain with their mother, for I would know where they were at. Little did I know the things that would transpire in 1999 when Macy cut off all communications between the children and me. Little did I know what Macy and her husband were doing to Diane and Charlie.

All I can ask God for is their safe return to me and that they will be ready to learn the real truth which I was forced to hide from them by Macy. I have given them clues in this blog so that they will be prepared to learn these truths, and that - to borrow another phrase from President Jefferson - Diane and Charlie will hold these truths to be [so] self evident that they will come to me and ask for my forgiveness - for they knew not what they were doing.