Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas, My Grown Children

Dear Charlie,

I saw this card and immediately thought of you and Diane. I know that you are going to spend Christmas with the Richs; but I wanted you to know that your real Dad still loves you and your sister, and that my Christmas wish for both of you is first to pursue your dreams by reaching for the stars and keeping one foot on the ground so that you don't lose touch with reality.

But most of all, I want you to remember what I've always said to you when I left visiting you - when I'm not with you in person, I am with you in your heart. As the song Celine Dion sings, "Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on. Once more you open the door, and you're here in my heart, and my heart will go on and on."

It is during the Christmas season that I miss you both the most. I remember the good times we had when I came to see you on Christmas and your birthdays. We are a part of each other, and I long for the day when we will be one family again and we can sing together again.

Come home soon; but if you can't come home just yet, please drop me a line and tell me how you are doing; and please remember me on the important days - just as I remember you on your birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

Go pursue your dreams; but if you include your real mother, include me too - for I am part of you too. I've been listening to Gordon Lightfoot's song Race Among the Ruins. It ends each chorus with the words - "If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon." Don't wait until it's too late to make full the joys that await us.

May the joy of Christmas and the hope of the New Year be with you and Diane. May the Lord bring you both home to me soon, so that we can blend our voices together in song in Thanksgiving to God - the way we used to do.

I will always love you both - very, very much! Come home soon!


Monday, November 23, 2009

I Wish You Enough

Dear Diane and Charlie, I read the following as a autograph on My Yearbook. I thought it was so appropriate, that I wanted you to read it:

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain
to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain
to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss
to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

Diane and Charlie, I want to add that Karissa's beloved ex-husband Roy L. Mock died on November 21, 2008 of prostate cancer. Karissa and Roy had a daughter named Rebecca, who also was taken away from them by the Virginia Child Protective Service for something that never happened. They were doing their best to complete their service plan, and then all of a sudden they moved to terminate their rights.

Rebecca ended up with a family named Holden.
Years later, Rebecca would write to Karissa; but then after awhile, she cut off all communications between them. Karissa pleaded with her to contact her father, but she always said, "I'm not ready." Karissa then said to her "One day, it will be too late to be ready because either your father or your mother will have died, and then you will be left wondering if you could have ever reconciled with your father or mother who just died."

Well my grown children, I can confidently say that I never lost touch with my parents. I always told my mother and father that I loved them. Mom died knowing that I indeed loved her to the end. I sent my dad a card telling him he was in my thoughts and prayers, and that I loved him to the end. He died knowing that I loved him.
Some people break all ties to their parents and then regret never telling them that they really loved them, because they were not ready to tell them that; and when they died, they wished that they would have made time to tell them that they loved them.

Don't say that you're not ready yet, or wait until I'm in the mental hospital or in the morgue to tell me that you love me. Send me an email or an e-card telling me that you are thinking of me or that you love me.

As Gordon Lightfoot once sang in his song "Race Among the Ruins:"

If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon.

Charlie, you know that I love you and want you to do well in school. You have made me very proud of you. I always told Carol when I was still with her that I didn't have to worry about you, but that it was Diane that I was worried about.

Diane, you are the one who has been lied to about me, and it has been convenient for you to believe these lies because it kept your caretakers close to you. As long as you believed the Richs and your real mother, you knew that you would have their love.
Your problem is submitting to rules that you don't necessarily like. I have to live with rules that I don't like, but I do them to the best of my ability. I got demerits when I was at Florida College. It was a way to get me to straighten up and fly right. You always have to answer to someone, whether at work or at home. We all have to answer to God in the end for how we lived our life.
In the end, it will all come down to whether or not we are still in the Lamb's Book of Life.

Diane, you are being told that I am a very evil person and that it would be best to stay away from me. Why then did Charlie come to visit me? Why can't you just come up to where I am at, and Karissa and I can sit down with you and tell you the real truth.

I am too old for this and one day may die just like Roy L. Mock. His daughter Rebecca put off reconciling with her father until she could no longer reconcile with him. He is now dead, and she will have to bear the burden of wondering if he ever loved her. She will no longer be able to tell him that she loved him.

Is this what you want for me? Am I dead in your sight? By the very reason that I am writing this blog to you is proof enough that I am still alive and that I still love you and want you to know the real truth.
I worry about you both each and every day of my life. I don't know if I will still have a job with Guardian Security or not.


If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon.

I don't know if I will end up in a mental hospital or not. I've seen so many of my relatives like Bonnie Hughes and Chris' stepson Roger end up in the mental hospital for one reason or another. I've met others who have been in the mental hospital and have walked out wondering myself just how close I was to being a patient there. I don't want to be a basket case.

Charlie, you have your head on straight; and I want you to reach for the stars, but keep one foot on the ground so you don't lose touch with reality.

Diane, people have told you what to believe about me until you have become a basket case - and you don't know what else to do but to believe them. Your mother has drilled it into your head until you believed in it so that your mother would not be upset with you.

Your grandfather is turning in his grave right now because you weren't allowed to go to Ripley, TN or to Batavia to pay your last respects to your Grandpa Littlejohn. At least Richard and Shirley were kind enough to bring you down to Ripley to see Grandma Littlejohn one last time, and to help comfort me in my sorrows. They were also good about bringing Charlie down to see Grandpa one more time before he died.

Charlie, it did my heart good to know that you are going to college, and I believe that you will do well. I would ask that you forward this blog to Diane and have her read it; because we really don't know when it will be the last time that we can talk, write, send emails, or send e-cards. Diane needs to seek the prayers of the church and the strength to come to me and learn the real truth. She will be guided by God in finding the real truth. Truth never changes, but humans change the lies they tell and are never consistant. Be certain that I love you both and wish nothing but the best in life for you.


They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

And as Paul McCartney wrote in the last part of his 3-part song, so I repeat this to you.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

In other words, you get out of love only what you put into it. TAKE TIME TO LOVE..... To Diane and Charlie, I WISH YOU that one day you will come home to me and love me as your real father, so that I can tell you just how much I love you and have never forgotten you.

If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon - before it is too late for us all.

Love, Dad

Friday, October 16, 2009

Happy 21st Birthday, Diane

Dear Diane,

It is with mixed emotions that I write this to you in honor of your 21st birthday. I don't know whether to be happy, sad, or upset at you. By this time I wanted you and Charlie and me to be one happy family again. That is why I sent you that late Christmas card in January 2008. I wanted you to search for the truth on the matter - something that Robert Clipper, Elaine Schmidt, and Tena Phillips has kept from you and Charlie all of these years.

But the truth was being kept from you then, and it's being kept from you now. Your mother has always kept me from telling you my side of the story; and when the Richs gave your mother permission to keep in contact with you, she reinforced the allegation that I had molested you.

But if you will just read what I have written in the previous blogs, you will see that I am consistent in telling you the same thing that I've always told you. I have never at any time molested you or any other child for that matter. Karissa has done an Intellus background check on me, and there was never anyone with my name, race, or age born in Geneva, Illinois who molested any child. I challenge you to look at the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website and see for yourself if I have ever been charged with molesting any child.

I want you to know what Tena Phillips said to me when I identified myself as your father. "You are the father of Diane and Charlie Littlejohn? Do you know that your ex-wife told me that we wouldn't be able to find you because you were convicted of molesting your daughter and she didn't know where you were at?"

I know this goes to the heart of everything your mother and the Richs have told you about me; but I am here to say that none of it was ever true. If it was, you would have never asked me saying "come upstairs to my bedroom and play with Charlie and me." Do you know that if I had not informed your mother of what you said, she would have had a field day with me and would have further alleged that something was going on behind her back.

Your mother never liked my talking to you and Charlie alone. Do you remember the day in April 1996 when I was going to stay until about 5:00 PM? There was an argument that broke out between your Grandpa Bracknell, your mother, and me. They asked if I was still getting my Income Tax return taken from me to help pay for the foreclosure on the trailer where we lived in Sandwich, IL, and I thought for a bit, and since the divorce was final, I said to your mother, "I don't think that is any of your business."

That, Diane, is what started the war between your maternal grandparents, your mother, and me. It got Grandma Bracknell so upset, that it caused your mother to limit our visitations to Christmas and birthdays. That was why I couldn't come up to see you more often. It was not because I didn't love you and Charlie enough, but rather it was because your mother put the restrictions upon how many times I could visit you. That is why I came to you and told you that I had to leave earlier than I wanted to. I also told you that there would be things that some people would say against me, and I encouraged you not to believe everything they said.
And do you remember what I always said when I left? I asked you "where am I when I am not with you?" You first answered "In Tennessee?" I answered "that's right; but where else am I when I am not with you?" You then pointed to your heart and said "right here in my heart;" and I said "that's right, Diane. I am always here in your heart, as you and Charlie are in my heart."

It reminds me of the song My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion, sung at the closing credits of Titanic

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Even though this is a love song, I love you with the proper love that a father has for his children. Why would I be so sick as to molest either you or Charlie - or any child for that matter? I have worried and worried myself sick over you and Charlie. When I was still with Carol, she always asked me why I thought more of you than I did Charlie, and I would say that Charlie would do well, and I didn't have to worry about him as much as I did you.

Little did I know just how true that was until Karissa and I went to see Charlie two days after his birthday. I did not recognize him, although I did see him behind us and thought nothing of it. When Karissa saw Charlie standing near us, she told me to look behind, and there he was. Both Karissa and I asked if he was Charlie, and he said yes. Words could not express how much joy I felt from seeing Charlie. Karissa was in tears, because she was witnessing that Charlie wanted to tell me as much as he could about everything.

He told me that he was going to West Kentucky Technical and Community College to begin his studies in Aviation and to take his general education studies. He said that he had looked into Western Kentucky University (where I graduated from), but he said that they did not have any studies in Aviation there (although there is an airport in Bowling Green along the Scottsville Road), so that's why he's going to Eastern Kentucky University in Richmond, KY in 2010.

Then he surprised me about something. He said he's going to minor in Music! You see, Diane, your brother remembers how I would play the guitar for both of you. I remember how you held a piece of paper up so I could sing the words to one of the John Denver songs I loved to sing - I believe it was Back Home Again. He remembers the times when I sang, and you both would listen intently to my singing.

In the spring of 2006, I sang my final concert with the Memphis Symphony Chorus. That night we sang the Brahms German Requiem (called Ein Deutches Requiem). It was the second time that the chorus had sung this piece of music.

Speaking of that music, we sang it once under Maestro Alan Balter, and then a few years later, he went for cancer surgery but never came out of it. I was shocked to hear that he had died. We loved him as conductor and a person. He was always accessible to the chorus members and the public as well. When I last talked to him, I told him not to go too far away from us and come back as a guest conductor.

That summer, the Maestro went into surgery, but did not survive the operation. Not long after we began rehersals for our Home for the Holidays concert, we were asked by the orchestra to participate in a memorial concert for our late friend Dr. Alan Balter, the second Maestro of the Memphis Symphony Orchestra. I would have expected the founding Maestro Dr. Vincent DeFrank to pass away before him, but Maestro Balter died, and then in May of the following year, Maestro DeFrank died.

The piece of music we performed was the final movement of the Brahms German Requiem.

Out of the pieces of music I have performed, I have done the Verdi Requiem, the Mozart Requiem, and the Brahms German Requiem twice - the Verdi and Brahms each under Maestro Balter and Maestro Lobel (our current director), and the Mozart once under our Artistic Director Dr. Lawrence Edwards (who has directed the orchestra upon two occasions), and Maestro Lobel as part of a Rolling Requiem in memory of the first year of the destruction of the Twin Towers of New York City.

Here is the poster of that concert

The words underneath the words Rolling Requiem are as follows:
Performances of Mozart’s Requiem will occur in every time zone on 9/11 at 8:46 AM, the moment of the first attack on the World Trade Center, Beginning at the International Date Line and soaring from time zone to time zone these heartfelt performances will follow the sun around the world, providing 24 hours of music, giving voice to hope and healing. Look for your local event near you.
It was a very sobering event. We all wore a sticker on our lapel or dress signifying the name of one of the victims of the 9/11/2001 attack. I still have mine.

It was always hard for me to prepare for the Home for the Holiday concerts because I could not stop thinking of you and Charlie, and how I so wanted you both to come home to me for the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years holidays. We performed an Andy Williams song called It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. I could never get past the following words without crying:

There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories of
Christmases long, long ago

Do you know just how much misery I go through when I hear Christmas carols? I do this every year, and it never gets any easier.

So you tell me, Diane - should I be happy, sad, upset, angry, or what? I want to know that you want to know the truth and that you want to know me as your father; but more importantly, I want to be your Dad. Do you know that your late paternal grandfather is turning in his grave because you were not allowed to go to his funeral? Do you know who told me that? Tim Hubbard. Tim was trying to be the father that I wanted to be, and I would have rather had him be your stepfather than Ralph Holmes Doublin.

Yes, I know what that slime ball did to you and Charlie, and he will rot in hell for it! But to keep you from me because your mother said I molested you when I was working 3rd shift at Lyon Metal and did not have the motive nor opportunity to even think about molesting you is just not right nor fair. Remember what your mother did to you at the request of Ralph. Yes, you ask her. That is why you were taken from both your mother and Ralph!

You need to be in a neutral place away from both your mother and the Richs and in front of people who know me like the back of their hands. I have contacts in Franklin, LaGrange, and Bowling Green, KY - all of whom will testify to you that I have never harmed a single hair on any person who went to college at Western Kentucky University.

You can even ask Paul Cook, an elder of the Lost River Church of Christ in Bowling Green who not only knew me from having gone to church services there but also was the financial assistant to the President of the University. He could tell you that I have never gotten into any type of trouble with anyone at the university, nor has anyone complained about me from those who worshiped with me at the 12th Street church. Furthermore, Janet Metzger from Franklin, KY can vouch for my conduct, as well as Brent Hunter, who preaches for the Church of Christ in LaGrange, KY.

In fact, there was a preacher and his wife from Kearney, MO who wanted to adopt you and Charlie so that you both could be kept with a family who were members of the Church of Christ, but Tena Phillips prevented that and decided that it was better to override my wishes and convince the Richs to adopt you and Charlie.

Now I know that Charlie told me that it would have made you both have to readjust to life with the Hamiltons, but at least they would have had contact with me and would have told me what was going on with you both. You both would have been taught the truth about New Testament Christianity from the Bible, for Steve Hamilton was a preacher.

Steve was notified of you and Charlie from Janet Metzger's email. Steve told me that Tena Phillips stonewalled his efforts saying that your mother's rights were never terminated. I was there when hers and mine were terminated, so that was a lie that Tena told him. Then when he asked about six months later, he was informed that you and Charlie had been adopted by the Richs.

Did you know that Shirley Rich said in court that they had no thoughts of adopting you and Charlie? Ask your mother, for she heard it along with me. Shirley said that she saw her role as a Therapeutic Foster Parent and not one of an adoptive parent. I can get Nancy to send me the court video tapes for you to hear it for yourself.

And for that matter, your ex-parte meeting with Judge Cynthia Sanderson was not so ex-parte as you think. They even recorded the very words that both you, Charlie, and the judge said to each other. I know what went on in that meeting, and it will be one of the things that we will clear up if and when you finally decide to meet with Karissa and me.

Now, I have thrown a lot at you to digest. I wanted you to read the blogs and read them with an open mind. However, you fled to your mother because you think that I am a disgusting excuse for a father for having molested you. Who put that into your mind? I think you know already who did that. All I wanted you to do is read and understand the truth, but you don't appear to be ready to do that yet. Even Charlie told me he's not ready to discuss it yet. Charlie really has nothing to discuss with me because he didn't buckle under the pressure and claim that I molested him. He knows that I never did that to him. He believes me.

The question is, do you believe that I could have never done this to you? That is the ultimate question that needs to be cleared up before you can ever move on with your life. Since that dreadful day of March 31, 1994, I have never taught inside a classroom in a public or private school system. To this day, I still haven't taught, but I have sung with the Memphis Symphony Chorus, and I am hoping one day to be able to sing with the Chicago Symphony Chorus as well.

Music is my passion, and Charlie has a passion for music as well. You have a wonderful singing voice, Diane; and I would love to have the opportunity of having you, Charlie, and me sing in the very same chorus altogether.

But we must come to terms with the past that has been created by the powers that be. It is in your best interest and mine that we come together and that I tell you the real truth that has been withheld from you for the past 15 years. Without doing this, neither of us can move forward. Neither of us can heal together. You will be stunted emotionally and will not be able to hold a job.

And why? I can tell you - but you must make the first step and come home to Karissa and me. We will help you heal. We know people who can help deprogram you from all the lies that you have been told about me - and they can help us heal the wounds that run deep within us.

I pray to God that something deep within your heart will cause you to realize that you have been missing your dad for the past 15 years. You have been away from his love, and you have longed to give your love to your dad, but you have been unable to do so because you have been kept from him by those who would tell you that he is a monster and is not worth knowing.

I disagree; for once you know the real truth, it will all fall into place; and like I told you on the day I said goodby to you on December 12, 2001 - exactly one year after the death of your paternal grandmother Caroline Pauline Littlejohn -
You will not need to ask whether or not what I say is the truth - you will know in your heart that it is the real truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

I want you to have a very happy 21st birthday, for it is a milestone that brings you into the first few years of the adulthood of your 20's. You don't know everything as yet. I didn't even know everything and have all the answers. You may have some freedoms, but you also have responsibilities which mean that you hold your tongue when you are in the presence of a supervisor and respect him or her. They have the power to retain you as an employee or fire you. You have to bite your tongue and learn to say "yes sir" or "yes ma'am." Didn't the Richs teach you this? Have you forgotten how to say that? You even used to say that to me when I visited you with Shirley at the Easter Seals Center in Paducah.

I do hope that you will enjoy your birthday. Please think about coming home to Karissa and me. You won't regret it, because it will be the start of the long healing process needed to go on in this life and in the next. I love you very much, Diane. Despite everything that has gone wrong, I am proud of the positive accomplishments you've made.

Happy Birthday, my daughter!


Dear Diane

I hope that one day you will see this entry that I am making this August 14th, 2008 - the day that your Aunt Chris turns 61 years old. I hope you are proud of yourself for what you have done to me. This is an entry that I had hoped that I would not have had to make.

Diane, I had hoped that we would have had a beautiful reunion and the chance to clear up everything that has been bothering you. I want to tell you that Charlie and I had a wonderful reunion. He answered everything I asked of him to my satisfaction. He was willing to listen to me, as was I to him. In four years he will make something out of himself. He remembers the times I would play the guitar for both of you. He remembers the song I used to sing for you both called Paradise, an old Kentucky town in Muhlenberg County that was destroyed by the Peabody Coal Company. Charlie told me that he had the opportunity to go through Muhlenberg County. In fact, he now plays the guitar and can play the song Paradise. He even told me that he was going to minor in Music. That made me feel very good. In fact, Charlie and I exchanged email addresses and MSN Messenger addresses.

I do believe he will do himself proud - and will do me proud as well.

However, he told me why you left Carl D. Perkins; and it all boils down to the fact that you cannot follow the rules of the school. Your rebellion caused your Grandma and Grandpa Littlejohn to turn in their graves! I don't think your Grandma Bracknell would have approved of your actions either! I know for a fact that your Grandma Bracknell did not raise your mother to be rebellious against people.

Your mother has her own things for which she must answer to God. Your Grandma Bracknell is dead and can offer your mother no more advice. Your Grandpa Bracknell is the only living grandparent still alive. I leave it up to him to advise your mother.

I have done nothing but encourage you in all things. I have encouraged you to make something of yourself at Carl D. Perkins; yet, you have a problem with keeping your room cleaned. You have problems with living at a place where there are rules to obey. I can tell you right now you would not have liked it at Florida College. If you had gone there and acted the same way you did at Carl D. Perkins, they would have informed me; and I would have not been pleased with you - just like the Riches weren't pleased with you and your attitude.

It was that attitude that brought you back to your mother; and why? I do not know. In all, you disrespected the Carl D. Perkins Vocational Center, the Riches, your brother, your Grandma and Grandpa Littlejohn, and me. I do not know how your mother is taking all of this, but her actions or inactions will be accounted for in the Great and Terrible Day of Judgment.

I know exactly what you are going through, for I have Attention Deficit Disorder myself. I didn't want to keep my room clean. I didn't want to shave every day. I didn't want to do my homework. I often had to learn the hard way, but I wasn't going to let my self get above 12 demerits. That would have gotten a letter sent home to my parents - and I didn't need a lecture from my mother about obeying the rules of the campus. It's no wonder it took me 10 years to get my Bachelor's degree while many others got theirs in four years.

My plea is that you will somehow find this and desire to get back in touch with me. You have had a piece of your heart missing for many years, and you are rebellious because you don't know why things turned out the way they did. You don't need to be rebellious; you need to calm down, open up your mind and your heart so you can listen to what I have to say to you. You will find that things will go a lot better if you just calm down and do more listening than talking.

Even though Kentucky took my parental rights away, there is a higher law to which we all must answer; and that law says that I am still your father. That law says you have a moral obligation to listen to me while I am still alive. While my parents were still alive, I listened to many things they had to say; and because they are now both dead, it was as if God was telling me, you have learned enough wisdom from your parents - now use that wisdom for your good.

Likewise, your mother and I are still alive. You never get away from the wisdom of your mother and father. The day we die is when the Father in heaven will tell you to use our wisdom for your good.

There are things that you have been told about me that simply are not true; and the rest of this blog will help you wade through the truth and help you to better understand the truth. I don't want to close the door of opportunity on our reconciliation forever, because I believe there is still hope for you, Diane.

I have often prayed for you and wanted you to make yourself a success; but where I am concerned, you must be proactive instead of reactive. Even Charlie told me that you have a good understanding of certain things, only if you will apply yourself - the very same thing my mother told me when she was alive.

I believe that before you move on, you must have the questions answered by me. That is why I am here to help you; but you must take the first step and realize that I mean you no harm.

Or else the door of opportunity may close on you - and you will lose me for good. I am too old and too tired for all this nonsense. I am going to bed shortly, so I must take my leave of you. I hope things are going well for you; and if not, drop me anemail anytime. I will not turn you away, but like the father of the Prodigal Son who waited each day until his son returned to the bosom of his love, so will I wait for you.

I love you, Diane. Save yourself from who you are and come home to Karissa and me.

Things That I Remember In The 52 Years Of My Life

On March 27, 2008, I turned 52 years old. There are a number of milestones of my life that I observe. Those that affect me directly are those that have changed my life and directed me in ways that I never thought I would go.

  1. I look upon a new year as another year God has given us to live on this good earth. It shows that He is a longsuffering God who knows our frame and forgives our repented sins, and that any trial that He brings us to, He'll see us through it to the end.
  2. I look upon January 24, 2008 as the night Karissa had to call the paramedics to take Frank Anthony Francis Kratochvil to St. Francis Hospital, where we were later to learn that he suffered a stroke.
  3. I look upon January 28, 2008 as the day Karissa and I were told that Frank's stroke was in the area of his brain stem and that there was no hope of recovery. Karissa then had to make that fateful decision to pull the respirator from Frank, as she did twice before when two other friends of theirs died. The respirator was pulled at 8:30 PM, and he died at 9:00 PM - 30 minutes thereafter.
  4. I look upon my daughter Diane's birthday and realize that she is another year older.
  5. I remember holding her as a newborn infant, realizing the treasure I was holding in my arms and crying for joy when I held her. I remember the times when Diane and I talked together and just how much I loved being her father. I also noticed one day when she was about 13 months old that it was not good for Diane to be alone. The next day I asked her if she wanted a brother or sister, and she said no. I asked her she was sure, and she said no. I then tried to get her to do this in front of Macy, and she wouldn't do it, making me out to be a liar (they'll do it every time). She eventually accepted Charlie as her brother and loved him as she loved me.
  6. Since I lost my parental rights, I have missed her birthdays from age 14 to her present age of 20. This year was the first time she has received a birthday card from me in 7 years. I pray that she hasn't forgotten me or the good times we had.
  7. I look upon my birthday as the gift of another year from God. I see that He has been merciful to me and that He has not forgotten that I did not choose my current state of affairs, but they chose me.
  8. I had to write that to my sister, as she has forgotten all about the state of affairs that drove me away from Diane and Charlie. Both of my sisters apparently have gone to the other side and support Diane and Charlie staying with Richard and Shirley Rich well after they have become the age of majority. I would bet the farm and win that my Dad doesn't even know how they feel about Diane and Charlie and that they support their claim to the Rich name. Apparently they have forgotten that once the children have become adopted, they forever sever themselves from their ties to both sides of their families.
  9. I look upon March 31 as the day I had to make that fateful decision whether to stay with Macy and let Diane and Charlie go into foster care at the tender ages of 6 and 3, or be driven away from them, leaving them with their mother. This was a hard decision to make, but I determined that leaving them with their mother was for the best. At least I would know where they were at. This was a decision that was never fully understood by the people I went to church with, and even today it is not understood by the current preacher there. I chose not to answer him and told my sister that the church would get a full accounting when Diane and Charlie are back together with me.
  10. I look upon Charlie graduating from Christian Fellowship High School. I've always known that he would be the one who would apply himself and study hard so that - if possible - he would go to college. I wouldn't be disappointed if he chose a different field to go into than music, but I would be overjoyed if he did follow in his Dad's footsteps. Unfortunately, he will not turn 18 until his birthday in July.
  11. I look upon Karissa turning 53 in another 2 1/2 months. She has been through a lot with the deaths of her closest friends Rocky, John, and now Frank. There are days when it is touch and go with her, but I work through it all with patience.
  12. I look upon Charlie turning 18 years old in 4 months from now, minus one day. I remember when he was born
  13. I was at work over at Bell Laboratories in Naperville, IL on July 25, 1990, and had just finished speaking with the roving supervisor about the possibility of Macy going into the hospital tonight. He told me to page him as soon as that happens and he would return the call.
  14. Around 8:30 PM I get a call from Macy's mother saying that Macy's water broke during Bible Study and that they were at Mercy Center Hospital in Aurora. I paged my supervisor, and he told me to go on ahead and go as soon as my partner returned from rounds - which he did shortly after the call.
  15. I arrived there around 9:15 PM and waited with Macy for the birth of our son. I was so hoping that he would have been born on July 25. That way, all of the birthdays would have fallen in numerical order - July 25, June 26, March 27, and February 28. However, it wasn't to be, but it is still easy to remember Charlie's birthday, for it is exactly one month after his mother's birthday.
  16. I remember going to Ottawa, Illinois for my Administrative Hearing on August 30, 1996. There it was shown that I never had been arrested for the allegations of sexual abuse of Diane, nor were there any warrants pending against me.
  17. It had been told to me by DeKalb County DCFS Social Worker John McCue that if I was not satisfied with the results that I could then take it to civil court where the DCFS would have been ordered to show not by Preponderance of the Evidence (51%) but by Clear and Convincing Evidence (75%) that I had indeed molested Diane. Their decision was to come to me by Certified Mail by no later than September 29, 1996 - and I am still waiting for that decision to be sent!
    It is my belief that since they knew they would lose in civil court, they chose to conveniently lose the papers to that decision.
  18. I remember my mother's death on December 12, 2000. Carol thought that I would lose it all, but what she didn't realize was that I knew that Mom was in a better place and didn't have to suffer. I remember December 14 when we held the funeral in Ripley. The foster parents were gracious enough to bring Diane and Charlie down to say goodbye to their paternal grandmother. We then brought her body up to Batavia. It was then that we found out that my dad's oldest sister Winona died on December 12, so we had her funeral on Sunday, and Mom's on Monday.
  19. Finally, I remember one year later when the parental rights of Macy and me were terminated on December 12, 2001. That stuck a dagger into my heart. It would be two years later that the Commonwealth of Kentucky would convince the foster parents to adopt Diane and Charlie, and I found out about that from an email from a preacher in Kearney, MO who was interested in adopting Diane and Charlie. I would later learn that Macy and my younger sister would get contact privileges with the children and leave me in the dark about this whole thing.

I understand that life is not always fair to those who are trying to live right in the sight of God. The state of affairs has driven me in the direction in which I have gone. Some from the church I used to attend would say I chose this path.

I disagree. To use a phrase from Thomas Jefferson, when in the course of human events it becomes necessary to determine in a snap decision whether to separate one's self from his wife and children in order to keep the children with their mother or remain with their mother and forever separate the children at the tender ages of 6 and 3 from their mother, it was determined on March 31, 1994 that it was in the best interests of Diane and Charlie to remain with their mother, for I would know where they were at. Little did I know the things that would transpire in 1999 when Macy cut off all communications between the children and me. Little did I know what Macy and her husband were doing to Diane and Charlie.

All I can ask God for is their safe return to me and that they will be ready to learn the real truth which I was forced to hide from them by Macy. I have given them clues in this blog so that they will be prepared to learn these truths, and that - to borrow another phrase from President Jefferson - Diane and Charlie will hold these truths to be [so] self evident that they will come to me and ask for my forgiveness - for they knew not what they were doing.

Graduation Day For Charlie

Tonight at 7:00 PM, Charles William Littlejohn will achieve another milestone and graduate from Christian Fellowship High School in Benton, KY. Because he is still 17 years old, I am unable to go down to Benton; for if I do, I will violate the no-contact order implied by the McCracken Family County Courts. Charlie, if you are reading this, I am very happy for your accomplishment. I have been very proud of both you and Diane for sticking it out through the worst of situations. I can only hope that Richard and Shirley have taught you both some morals.

At the same time, I pray that they haven't turned you against me. I know that you and Diane have contact with your mother. For what reason, the Lord hasn't told me. If it was because I never did any service plans, it is because innocent people do not do service plans; and if I were to have done one, it would have implied that I was guilty of harming Diane. There have never been any charges brought up against me in the past 14 years regarding this. That being the case, the IL DCFS nor the KY Cabinet's DCBS have nothing on me.

I am hoping one day that you and Diane will together decide that you want to hear the truth and reconnect with me. I know that we can never relive the past 14 years, but we can start anew and make new memories. You and Diane are all I have. When I married Carol, I made sure that it was someone who did not have minor children living with her. Carol and I have long since parted our ways, and I have returned to Illinois to begin my search for you and Diane.

God has always made a way for me to find out where you and Diane are currently living, and I have been viewing you from afar. Remember what I used to say to you and Diane when I left from visiting you? When I am not here with you, I am with you in your heart. That applies even now. You and Diane are never really far away from me. Your absence from me has always driven me to find out where you are and how you are doing. I can almost feel your presence when I think of you. While I have not been there physically, my spirit has remained with you and yours with mine.

I am very happy for your accomplishments and hope that your grades have been good enough to go to a college or university. Nothing says that you have to go into music, but I do hope you and Diane still have a love for music and have kept away from any kind of music that is evil in nature. Not all music is bad music, but the music which would encourage you to do things that God would not have you do is what you need to avoid. I hope that we all can soon be together. In ten weeks you will be 18 years old, and I want you to remember what I put down for you on your 17th birthday so that you will remember this when you turn 18 in ten weeks from now:

Kentucky Revised Statute 2.015 – Persons of the age of eighteen (18) years are of the age of majority in this commonwealth except for the purchase of alcoholic beverages and for the purpose of care and treatment of children with disabilities, for which twenty-one (21) years is the age of majority, all statutes to the contrary notwithstanding. (Effective July 15, 1994)

History: Amended 1994 Ky. Acts ch 405, sec 1 effective July 15, 1994 Amended 1968 Ky. Ch 100, sec 1, effective June 13, 1968-Created 1964 Ky. Acts ch. 21, sec 1, effective January 1, 1965.

This means that you will be able to make your own decisions without the interference of anyone - even Richard and Shirley. You will be able to decide for yourself if you want to hear the truth or not. I pray that you will give me that chance to tell you my side of the story which Robert Clipper, your mother and her parents, and others have forbidden me to tell you for lo these many years.

I stand ready to show you information which will prove beyond a reasonable that I never did anything to Diane or to you. But you must clear your mind of all the negative things you have heard about me in order for you to understand what is in this information. You must clear your mind of all preconceived ideas regarding my actions toward you and Diane.

Remember that you have always trusted me to do the right thing. I want you to keep that trust, for it will serve you well down the road to the future. I may not have always had the right kind of job that would have given you the financial support you and Diane have always needed, but I appear to be in another rebuilding process. I am taking a distance-learning Computer Accounting course in hope to be able to use this when I do reenter the workforce.

Enjoy your graduation day, my son. May it be God's will that you, Diane, and I will all be together soon. Love, Dad

Happy 20th Birthday, Diane

Dear Diane,

It has been since February 28, 2001 that I last celebrated your birthday. You will receive a birthday card dated February 28, 2008 in which you will find my address and phone number so you can write to me or call me.

Words cannot express just how much I have missed you and your birthdays. I wanted so much to be there for all of your milestone events, but it was not meant to be. I only pray that you will find it in your heart to reestablish the relationship that was unnecessarily and unlawfully taken away from us, that we may be the father and daughter that God meant for us to be.

I never meant any harm to come to you. Please remember that it was your mother and not me who cut off all communications between you & Charlie and me when she and your evil stepfather moved to Smithland, Kentucky. I had no knowledge of where you lived at that time. Nancy and Leroy were visiting his aunt who lived in Metropolis, Illinois, just across the river from Paducah. They went to the Smithland Post Office and parked there to see if your mother would arrive there to pick up her mail from her P.O. Box, but they didn't see her. They were hoping to see your mother and try to get her to tell them where you and Charlie were living.

I affirm to you by the Living God that if your mother had not cut off all communications between us, your Aunt Chris, Uncle Bill, and I would have been up there immediately to rescue you from the hell your mother and Ralph put you through! You can check with Aunt Chris about this, for it was she who told me of your mother's letter stating such ceasing of communications between us. Had the DCFS taken you away from your mother instead of me, there would have been no need of calling the DCFS or any other child protective agency ever again.

In fact, I never did what DCFS alleges that I did to you back in 1994. At that time, I was working the 11:00 PM-7:00 AM shift for Illinois Security Services at Lyon Metal in Aurora - so how could I have done this to you??????? Besides, why would I be so stupid as to do what DCFS alleges that I did? I was raised better than to do that to both you and Charlie by your Grandma Littlejohn - God rest both her soul and the soul of your Great Grandma Littlejohn in Heaven!

I only pray that God will open your mind to the real truths that your mother has kept from you. Please read the remaining entries which precede this one with an open mind and an open heart. You will then know that I had no intention of leaving you without cause, and that it was my intention that we be a proper family in the eyes of God. It was not my intention of splitting up the God-ordained family which we became on January 18, 1986 - two years, one month, and ten days before you were born into this world. It was not me who filed for divorce, but your mother.

Two weeks before your mother started divorce proceedings against me you and I spoke on the phone, with your Grandma Bracknell listening on the other line. Do you remember that you told me that you wanted to move down to Tennessee to live with me and leave Charlie with your mother? Do you remember that you said that on your own without any prompting from me? Your mother would have loved to have claimed that I prompted you to say that, so that she would have an issue to hold against me.

In fact, you cannot hold any issue against me, because I never sinned against you. I would rather have had a millstone hung about my neck and drowned in the Fox River than to have sinned against you the way the DCFS alleges that I did. You can run a Background Check for $50.00 on Intellus on me, and you will find that I have never been arrested for any such a crime.

I have had the University of Tennessee Health Science Center run a background check against me, and they too have come up with nothing. The Wackenhut Corporation also ran a similar check against me and came up with nothing. If anything came up in these background checks, I would have not been hired by these places. The same results came up in the background checks done on me by Volt Services Group, Manpower Professional, and Norell Services (now Spherion).

So why is my record clean? Because there was no arrest made against me. No charges were filed against me nor was there any pending against me - and this evidence came up in the DCFS Administrative Law Hearing on August 30, 1996!

This is why I say that you need to take a clearer look into what I have to say and determine who is telling you the truth. Use
God's Biblical Formula for Determing The Truth from the preceding entry to determine who is really telling you the truth. Do you remember when I said to you on December 12, 2001 that in the day you ask for my side of the story that you would not have to ask if it was the truth, but that you would know in your heart that it was indeed the truth?

In my heart, I knew that you would be prevented from knowing the truth. I had intended to give to you a letter which had the words written on the website, but for some reason I knew that it would have been taken away from you, just like my contact information and my picture of Carol and me were taken away from you. Instead, I contacted a friend of mine living in Ringgold, Georgia and emailed him the text of that letter, and he created a weblink for me to use whenever I needed it.

It is my hope that you will read all of the words of that weblink and all of the Yahoo 360 blogs in order to get to the real truth of the matter. Remember the words of Jesus when he told his disciples in John 8:32, 36:
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
I therefore wish you a Happy 20th Birthday, with many more to come as the Lord allows you. Please give my love to Charlie as well.

I love you and miss you very, very much!